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justlikeicarus
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Name: Sheila
Country: United States
Birthday: 6/24/1987
Gender: Female
Interests: psychology, weird indie movies, dysfunctional fiction books, third eye blind, daria, canadian tv, motocross, words, criminology, field hockey, holden caulfield, fight club, you!
Expertise: dealing with children, psychology, pesimisim, loyalty, procrastination, illedgible handwriting, sarcasim, fucking up
Message: message me
Member Since:
1/26/2004
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| it's been just over a year since my last entry. for the record, my emotional stability can be measured by the amount of time since my last entry. I suppose this implies that i am currently the happiest i have ever been. I definately think that is possible. the only reason i feel like blogging is because the combination of working, taking 18 credits, add, lazziness, tiredness, and lack of motivation have really been taking their toll. i'm behind on so much school work and i'm really starting to worry about how it will effect my GPA and my ability to get into grad school. crap. if i tell my mom she will make me quit my job at the daycare, which i love. working makes me sooo happy. blah. wish me luck. | | |
| i've got 134 points that will back me up when i say that i'm a lot smarter than everyone here thinks i am. and when you break it down and only count things that are said outloud, i've got 147 points on my side. so why do i feel so incompetent? | | |
| i'm truely happy. everything is going great for me. i've got an amazing boyfriend still, and i'm about to spend a semester abroad in england. but i've spent almost the entire summer in my house alone. minus the times when tom visits, and the four weeks i spent at my aunts house. and i see erica at least once a week when i'm home. but still. the days are long and lonely. and i feel so useless. and four weeks isn't long enough to get a job. and i couldn't get a job before cause i agreed to help out my aunt for awhile after her surgery. blah. i'm so fucking lazy. i need to stop making excuses.
just because i'm happy doesn't mean i'm not lonely. and tom does what he can. but he works 9-5 five days a week now (for marvel in the city!!! i'm so proud of him) and so i just get weekends with him. but this weekend is ren fair and he's actually skipping Sunday cause he's so exhausted. i understand completely. he's gunna sleep the day away at home. i don't blame him. thats what i did when i got a break from my aunts house. i slept the day away in his bed. i just miss him. i'm about to go to england and i can't even see him much. I doubt he'll be able to visit me in england, especially now that he's working a new job. he can't take off, and i wouldn't dare ask him too.
i wish i could spend the week days at my aunt's house the rest of the summer. i'll talk to her about it. its just so lonely here. i felt like a part of a family while i was helping to watch her kids. i felt useful. | | |
| i hate constantly being by myself at home. i get so depressed when no one is around. i feel so detatched. | | |
| i can't sleep. i keep thinking about the future and i feel like i dont even have the time to close my eyes because then i'll be behind. i'm not dreading my future, i'm just dreading that my boyfriend will be progressing on to a different step in life while i'm a few years behind. he's graduating and i'm going to be in school still. not only that but i'll be abroad in england. i love him so much and seeing him is always the highlight of my day.
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